The fall

This old feeling, coming back again, now. Like a too familiar wind not felt since a long gone season.
Now. In a bar, surrounded by a crowd of strangers, I want out, out.

Out.

I go away, suddenly filled with this strange feeling, that I cannot ignore, that takes over my entire spirit, like a dark, low cloud. I walk away, alone and much better, contemplating this disgust I have in my heart for all of them.

Yes, it's back. Fortunatly it does not last long. Never. But now it's there. This utter, great misanthropy. This hatred of what we are. Mindless puppets, sleepwalkers, idiots, saying nonesense, carrying around their stinking illusions.

I'm tired of the smell of cigarette and alcohol. I'm tired of all those stinky and dark places. I'm saturated with all this grotesque comedy that relationship and romance and sex have become. All these bodies looking like dolls. All these needs created by our society that poison my soul, turn me into a mindless doll like everyone else. This artificial happiness we have come to believe in. This artificial world. These artificial people. This fucking world going to waste because of us. All this smoke. All this smoke blinding me, turning my selfless heart into a needy beggar craving for things that will not make him happy after all. This smoke turning my love into hate, my hope into despair, my dreams into nightmares.

Why do I hate them? Why do I hate you? Why do I see that there is not point to all that you do.

I need a desert. A lonely mountain. A secret forest. An island. Alone. To touch the heart. To listen to the silence. To be no one. To be one. Far from all this crazy world, filled with puppets running in circle, far from all this darkness. Far from all these needs of perfect love-work-happy-empty-crazy life. This big asylum.

I want out.

Out.

I hate you, ignorance. You that makes us so blind and ugly and crazy. I hate you, ignorance.

I hate you ignorance.

What have we become, sky, you who have seen us since the beginning? You who will see us die from our own hand? All this love going to waste? All this innocence and beauty and shining light, broke down, motionless. Dead. Forever.

I feel so lonely right now. Because we all are. Lonely, without hope and faith.
Why does it seem so simple in my heart? Why does this world make it so fucked up?
Why does it fucks me up?

I want out. No more of that make-believe love, this consumption without end, this absence of the sacred.

Nothing is sacred anymore. Nothing is mysterious anymore to this society's eyes. Everything can be bought. Dumped. Explained. Spat upon. Striped down to nothingness.

Where is my tribe? I need you now. Make me believe that I'm still part of something beautiful and strong.

Make me believe that love still exists.

Make me believe that we human have still right to walk on this planet. A right to breathe.

Make me believe that we are still part of life and nature.

Because right now, I don't believe.

I have no faith in humankind.

I want humankind to go. Or wake up.

I don't believe they will.

I don't believe we will.

Come and get me, take me away, before I can witness the fall of mankind.

I'm not sad. I'm angry. I feel like a stranger. A witness.

A visitor in a foreign land. Not able to get along.

You idiots.

Poor idiots.

Sleepwalkers.

wake up or die.